


The Stars Lean Down

by SadieAndor



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Discussions of death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Grief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-25 11:48:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22495609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SadieAndor/pseuds/SadieAndor
Summary: Jyn, weary and hurting, returns from a strike mission with a lot on her heart-“She was – she was barely – barely eighteen,” she whimpers, and suddenly Cassian understands.“Oh, sweetheart,” he breathes.
Relationships: Cassian Andor/Jyn Erso, Jyn Erso & Original Character(s)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 48





	The Stars Lean Down

**Author's Note:**

> So forever ago I did a "send me a title and I'll tell you what fic I would write" on tumblr, and this comes from "Like Blades of Grass," which I got from @cats-and-metersticks. I've been tinkering with it for months. I swear I meant to wait until Bright Nights was finished to post it (fear not, anyone who still cares, it will be finished) but I have 0 self-control, so here we are.
> 
> Warning: No one dies "on screen", but there is much discussion of the recent death of a young person.

Though he knows it takes no longer than usual, to Cassian the shift in comms seems to drag on forever. Jyn’s back, she messaged him an hour ago when she finished debrief, and he wants nothing more than to be with her. After three weeks of arrivals and departures  _ not quite  _ matching up and brief audio log messages, he can hardly wait to have her in his arms. He leaves the moment his shift is over, ignoring his shift partner’s sarcastic remarks

She’s already in bed when he finally gets to their quarters, and that should be his first hint that something’s wrong. But he’s not paying attention, preoccupied with his desire to join her as he changes into something to sleep in, so he writes it off as post-mission crash. She’s always exhausted after strike missions like this one, he can’t blame her.

“I missed you, love,” he says, folding down the covers to crawl onto the bunk. He expects her to stir, to turn and cuddle close to him and mumble a sleepy, half-coherent greeting. It’s what usually happens, and that’s when he realizes, belatedly, that she’s not asleep at all. Without the blankets over her he can see the tension stretched tight through her whole body.

“Jyn? Is something wrong?”

He reaches out, but she flinches away from his touch.

“Jyn, love, are you ok? What’s wrong?”

“I’m fine,” she whispers, voice tight, and she doesn’t turn to face him.

“C’mere. Hey, hey, Jyn. Let me help.”

She tenses further, but Jyn does allow him to wrap an arm around her waist.

“You know you can tell me anything,” he murmurs. She doesn’t answer. “I love you.”

Jyn trembles, and he hears a quiet whimper.  _ She’s crying _ , he realizes. She’s crying and it terrifies him, he hasn’t seen her cry in months.

“Shh,” he soothes, running a hand up and down her back. “You’re safe.”

She’s shaking under his touch, body wracked with sobs, and he’s helpless to do anything but hold her and rub her back. “Jyn,” he whispers, again and again, “Querida, you’re safe. You’re home.” 

After a time she turns, buries her face in his chest. “Cassian,” she sobs.

“Sweet girl… Tell me what’s wrong.”

She takes a few shaky breaths. “Do – do you remember Dorothy Pender – Penderwick?” Her voice is thick.

The name is familiar, a cadet he taught to shoot a few months ago. “Yes, I do.” He sits up, gently pulling her into his lap.

“She was – she was barely – barely eighteen,” she whimpers, and suddenly Cassian understands.

“Oh,  _ sweetheart, _ ” he breathes.

“The – the comms were jammed and I – I couldn’t warn her in time.”

“Jyn, I’m so sorry.”

“Her mum is still waiting for her to come home.”

“I’m sorry.” He holds her tight against him, kisses her hair. “Shh… It’s going to be ok.”

“No, it’s not, Cassian, she – she’s  _ dead _ !”

“I know. Oh, I know. That’s not what I meant. But sweetheart, you know this isn’t your fault?”

She doesn’t answer, and it speaks volumes.

“It wasn’t. It was not your fault. I need you to understand that.”

She stays cuddled close, clinging to him like an ivy, crying into his shoulder. Rocking slowly, he runs his fingers through her hair, gently working out the tangles. After a time she quiets.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers eventually.

“It’s ok. You must be exhausted. Get under the covers, I’ll bring you a tissue and some water.” 

He does, and she sips at the water. “You don’t,” She sniffs. “You don’t have to be so nice to me.”

“Yes, I do. I love you. I love you so much, and I hate to see you hurting.”

She accepts his tender hug. “I love you too. I’m sorry for ruining your evening.”

“You didn’t. But I am tired, and I’d really love to cuddle with you, if that’s ok.”

She nods, and lies down. “Yes, please.”

He curves his body to her back, wraps an arm around her waist. Her breath still hitches every minute or so, but eventually even that stops, and he starts to believe that she might be asleep. _ Stars, let her sleep. _

“It isn’t fair,” she says into the silence sometime later, turning over to face him in the apathetic darkness, and mentally he shakes his fist at the galaxy, because  _ why can’t she be allowed to rest? _

“What isn’t?”

“None of it. The war. She was eighteen, Cassian. A lot of planets wouldn’t have even considered her an adult!”

Cassian sighs. “It really isn’t fair.”

“She wanted to be a droid engineer, build astromechs. She was telling the pilot all about it on the flight there. She was just a kid, and the Empire doesn’t care.” He takes her hand and holds it against his chest. She doesn’t cry this time, just gazes at him under the faint red light of the heating indicator.

“I’m so sorry,” He says softly, and then, “You know, love, that she wasn’t so much younger than you.”

“Five years, Cass, that’s a long time to live.”

“Five years is the difference between you and I. I think you might be too young for all this, too.”

“And you’re not?”

He brushes a lock of hair out of her face. “Maybe I am. Maybe none of us are old enough.”

She exhales, shaky. “I - I just… It isn’t fair.”

“No. But we’re gonna get through this, you and I. Just wait, we’ll make it out the other side.”

That’s a lofty promise to make. He knows it, and he knows she knows it, but he has to tell her something. He has to tell  _ himself _ something. Or they’re both as good as dead.

“Together?” Her voice is so small, and he hates it.

He pulls her closer, tilts her head up so she’s looking right up at him.

“All the way.”

**Author's Note:**

> Concrit accepted, let me know what you thought.


End file.
